My past came back to haunt me in some way a few weeks ago. An old classmate and friend from swim team got back in touch with me after I hadn't seen him in 9 years. I was so excited to see him, for the nostalgia I knew I would experience and because he was a great person. All the memories from my Freshman and Sophomore year of high school came flooding back and he reminded me of parts of my past that I had forgotten when I was in his class. It doesn't seem that long ago that I was still such a child. A less-bolder, more self-serving, immature girl. We all grow up and change for the better. How have you changed?
After watching Glee episodes and substitute teaching in several high schools around where I grew up I started to remember things about my childhood and how I had no idea that I was a child at 17. Do you remember when girls use to spend 20 minutes in the bathroom putting on makeup before class? Yes, girls at my school would use their one and only bathroom pass to put makeup on. We would hang out in the bathrooms near the cafeteria to visit, not to actually use the bathroom----some would smoke. Back then it was "cool" to smoke. Forging your mom's signature to get out of a tardy, or why not skip class all together? I remember my one and only Saturday School began as a carefully constructed plan of escape with my two best friends. We called ourselves the tripod because if one of us went down we all did. It was our senior year and we decided that we did not want to attend the chapel that we were required to attend every Wednesday. The three of us walked out of the gym where chapel was being held and walked a mile and a half to Atlanta Bread Company to have lunch. Up until that afternoon we thought our scheme had worked until Mr. Wise, the headmaster got on the loud speaker and asked me, Courtney, and Angela to come to his office immediately.
The principal was holding back laughter and a smile because he knew that we meant well, and asked us to apologize. There were other things I could name that showed a lack of experience, direction, and spiritual maturity that I did not have back then, and I am thankful that I found my friend to remind me that time heals wounds, makes us stronger, and every experience is something new to learn. The song "If I could write a letter to me" by Brad Paisley inspired me to write a letter to my younger self, telling of all the things I wanted so badly back then, but my situation had a different outcome. You might say this is digressing, that I am achieving nothing by doing this, but I think that our past is forever a part of us. We have to come to terms with it, accept it, forgive those who hurt us, burn bridges, tear down walls, be more open, and have memories to move forward in life. Our past forms us and makes us who we are. So I wrote down a list of the boys that I thought I could not live without and told myself "don't worry, this one turns out pretty good. You will get over him, and you will realize that your heavenly father is where you should find your identity and strength. Not one person can make you happy. Your breakup happened and you helped a friend get through the same thing you were going through. Your aunt was sick and all you could think of was "it's not fair" but look how you healed your friends through this and became a good example to them". Don't give yourself excuses for a negative attitude because everything can be a lesson, or path to your better self.
On the warm day this week I had coffee with a friend and we shared our favorite books. Wild at Heart came to his mind, which will be on my next list of books to read. If I had it my way, I would read all day.... but there's this thing called work that gets in the way. No matter, this book is so healing to men, boys, and women are encouraged to understand why John Eldridge stresses the importance of our generation having strong spiritual leaders at home. He talks about how the men of our generation are not taking on as much responsibility before the industrial age when working was a must for survival. When computers weren't the answer for our problems. For example, when my 92 year old grandfather was alive, men from generations ago were married younger, had jobs, etc. and men of today are turning to black wholes----drugs, sex, crime, ambition to achieve satisfaction. He stresses that rituals were had long ago so that when a boy became a man, he was treated like a man, and looked at by his father as a man. Every of of these men/women might carry a wound with them, somewhere barried deep inside, from their father. A father's duty is to train up his children to believe in themselves, to know that they are capable adults and it is now time to grow into responsibility. If an individual does not receive this confidence could mean going to other rites of passage to receive fulfillment. This initiation could orchestrate itself in gangs, fraternities, friends who might pressure his group to act in a certain dynamic....which just causes even deeper layers of hurtful shame that ends up being a perpetual cycle. We are all given instruments and talents as parents or leaders but some forget or don't know how to use them. The men in our lives deserve to feel like they have done it, that they have tried their best.
I am also currently reading some Amy Chau books not on the economy but on parenting. I would like to know what you think about the article about her book in the AJC recently. She comes from the background of a strict Asian culture where parents do not let their children attend spend the night parties, school plays, and must sit for hours practicing piano. Her view is that Western parents have a different outlook, that they don't want to hurt their child's feelings, so they are afraid to tell them the truth about their behavior or their grades so the child does not excel. I have mixed feelings about these contrasting opinions, but I tend to lead towards Chua, because I was raised around some strict mothers and if done the correct way, many children can go on living successful lives. The one piece that is taken away from it is that children that are raised in constraining environments might have less social skills and have trouble understanding their place in a group or their belonging in society. Her daughter spoke out about her book and said she was grateful for her mom's strict upbringing.
